Bigfoot has finally been captured, but instead of being treated with dignity and respect, he is immediately employed as the host of a gimmick cooking show on the Food Network.
Only one problem: Bigfoot can’t cook! Canceling the show is not an option, since Bigfoot is under contract for the next five years. You’re called in as a consultant to try to save the day.
What advice do you give? What savory yet simple recipes should Bigfoot try?
{ 26 comments }
I’ve always been and always will be an optimist. There’s nothing I detest more than a negative person. The energy that’s wasted being negative could be used for so much more. If you look hard enough, no matter the situation you can find a positive outcome.
I wake up in the morning, tell myself it’s gonna be a great day and most of the time it is. I’ve been blessed by being born in the greatest nation in the world and that alone gives me my optimism for each day I live. All I have to do is turn on the news and I am ashamed of myself for any negative or “poor pitiful me” thought I have. I try not to surround myself with negative people, but that’s impossible. When I encounter them, I try to take charge of the situation, not by being a dictator, but by charm.
I love living, which was a free gift from God, and don’t understand why others want allow themselves to enjoy it also.
– Susan from Atlanta
{ 0 comments }
The future year is 2450. Humans no longer wear clothes, tattoos, jewelry, or body piercings. The only way we have to express ourselves is to cut our hair – which has once more covered our bodies – to resemble certain objects, much like shrubbery trimmed into the shape of animals. Put on your future visioning goof hat.
What shape is your hair and why? What is considered conservative, and how do the 2450 punks wear their hair?
If you want to go all out, make up some words for future hair styles, grooming tools, hair products, etc. Have fun, future visioners!
{ 6 comments }
I think I’ve got a brilliant mind because it never seems to stop thinking.
I’ve always got things running through my head, whether it’s inane, ridiculous thoughts or introspective ideas seeking the basis for things I do.
I’ve always thought this and I haven’t had much luck finding people that ‘play’ as many games as I do during my day-to-day life just to keep their brain busy.
I constantly count things around me, keep track of the most menial things, make bets against myself on things I can hardly control.
Sometimes it’s tiring, but life is damn interesting in this brain, let me tell ya.
Jay, central California, USA
{ 0 comments }
You are an Environmental Protection Agency statistician who is asked by the U.S. Congress to justify your obscure research program. Unfortunately, the only significant discovery you’ve made is a positive cause-and-effeect correlation that proves a recent wave of scandals involving multiple members of Congress directly caused the loss of another billion tons of the polar ice cap, and the extinction of a rare and very cute genus of penguins. The grants for your salary are up for review by the very people who are involved in these scandals, and they’re a bit touchy about the subject of scandals. What do you tell them in this report that is supposed to justify your research?
{ 0 comments }
I do tend to look on the bright side, and I think that I have felt like this ever since I became a Christian, because I know that God is in control and on my side and that everything will eventually work out for the best.
{ 0 comments }
I am optimistic about things changing in the long run, and the current crisis looming over us blowing over. I have firm faith that whatever economic problems existing in the economy, will blow over and not last long. We are facing severe problems presently, but patience and persistence will help us overcome them, and tide over the problem. Our life has ups and downs, so we should try to be cool and happy during this disturbing times too.
{ 0 comments }
Right now, in the midst of all the troubling issues facing us here in the US and throughout the world, I am optimistic about our future with President-Elect Obama. I think he is the right man for our times. Besides his obvious intelligence and charm, he is a very clam presence. I fell that I can trust him to do the right thing to improve our qulaity of life. I don’t think he will have an easy task, and I don’t think he will find a quick fix. But, I do believe he will lead us to a better future and improved relationships with the other countries in the world.
{ 0 comments }
I am optimistic about many things! First off, I am a mother of two, who has recently gone back to school to pursue my dreams of becoming a teacher. I am very optimistic about the day that I will finish school and be able to work in my dream job. I am also very pleased with the new low gas prices! Anyone who isn’t has to be crazy!
{ 0 comments }
Think about it, really. What can you be grateful for? Sure, there are always things we may not particularly enjoy in life, but there are so many things we have that can’t be bought in this day and age. Can you walk? Can you move your arms? Do you have fingers? Do you have eyes to see the world around you and ears to hear any music you desire? This is something that constantly helps me, even during these days of economic fear. Yes, my hubbie’s boss laid off 3 workers, but not him. Yes, we’re low on extra cash, but do we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, clothes to wear at the moment? Do you have the freedom to choose your TV shows, movies, travel, and worship in any way you please in this country? Thankfully, the answer is yes! Look on the bright side for all that you have – family, children, friends! Have a great time in your life with what you have! 
{ 0 comments }
Possibilities make me optimistic. We are at a point where there are so many possibilities! We just elected our first african american president! People are worried about whether he’ll be a good president or a terrible one, but either way just the fact that he can become president should inspire us! Anyone can do anything! I don’t have a job right now but there are jobs out there and I’ll find one. How do I know? Because this too shall pass. That’s what my Grandma used to say and I believe it, and until it does pass I will have fun with what I have and be happy that my loved one’s and myself are safe and sound. Besides, I’m in love. What could make you more optimistic than the possibilities you feel when you’re in love?
{ 0 comments }
I have a little boy. Occasionally I find myself staring too hard at the news, worrying too much about the things that are far beyond my control, and often, my understanding. I try to reflect back on things my grandparents taught me. They lived through the Great Depression, and understood what it meant to be hungry, to not have enough. I think about the lessons they taught me on gratitude, and a spirit of thanksgiving.
I don’t want times to be hard for my little boy. I want to pave the road and slay all the dragons for him…but I can’t, and I won’t. I do believe that in crisis, there is opportunity. Opportunity to learn, to grow, to challenge and change.
So I’m optimistic about my ability to take the lessons that were taught to me, and to pass them on to my little boy, no matter what is going on in the world around us.
{ 0 comments }
I am optimistic about the youth of America. I believe they will come through their “the world is all about me and my friends” stage and become responsible and mostly caring men and women. I’ve seen it happen over and over again regardless of the current state of the world.
{ 0 comments }
Humankind is in terrible danger. Aliens from a distant galaxy are about to wipe out the human race with the help of portable mp3 players. At great personal risk, you’ve spent the last six months spying on the aliens and have discovered that they are on the verge of launching a massive attack. Now it’s time to brief the leader of the human army. Describe the aliens’ nefarious plans and suggest the best way to defend ourselves…before it’s too late!
{ 0 comments }
There is a serious rift in the entomology community. Half the learned scientists believe that butterflies are beautiful, innocent flying insects. The other half believe that they are evil alien invaders who have come to take over the world. Only you, the head of the Entomology Society, can resolve this dispute. Which side do you come down on and why?
{ 0 comments }
You know those horrible dreams where you’re standing in front of all your co-workers wearing nothing but ratty underwear? Well, this time it isn’t a dream! You wake up to find you really have come to work in nothing but distressed boxers. How did you get into this situation and how on earth do you get out of it?
{ 0 comments }
Goldfish are everywhere–in your doctor’s fish tank, in your kid’s fishbowl, in the neighbor’s backyard pond, and in every pet store you enter. Now goldfish want to run for public office and they’ve hired you to advance their cause. Explain how having a goldfish in power will change society for the better.
{ 0 comments }
There are at least 888 words in the English language that end in “ism”.
I became interested in isms and how we use them in our every-day lives when I recently watched the 1938 film, You Can’t Take it With You, during which the main character, Martin Vanderhof, played by Lionel Barrymore (Drew’s grandfather) gives quite an interesting diatribe on the usefulness of isms in our modern culture:
Grandpa Vanderhof:“Penny, Why don’t you write a play about ism-mania?”
Penny Sycamore:“Ism-mania?”
Grandpa Vanderhof:“Yeah, sure. You know, communism, fascism, voodooism. Everybody’s got an ‘ism’ these days.”
Penny Sycamore:“I thought it was an itch or something.”
Grandpa Vanderhof:“It’s just as catching. When things go a little bad now days, you go out and get yourself an ‘ism’ and you’re in business.”
Penny Sycamore:“I’ve got it: it might help Cynthia to have an ‘ism’ in the monastery!”
Grandpa Vanderhof:“It might at that. Only give her an Americanism. Let her know something about Americans. John Paul Jones, Patrick Henry, Samuel Adams, Washington, Jefferson, Monroe, Lincoln, Grant, Lee, Edison and Mark Twain. When things got tough for those boys, they didn’t run around looking for isms. Lincoln said, ‘With malice towards none, with charity to all’. Now days they say ‘think the way I do or I’ll bomb the daylights out of you’.”
I was in an attentive frame of mind when I saw YCTIWY, which always makes me think I have a certain amount of extra clarity. When I saw this scene, my so-called clarity proudly announced: 1938 isn’t as far removed from today as I thought it was. [click to continue…]
{ 0 comments }
Starting out, math always seems like fun and games. “Just try it. If you don’t like it you can quit.” But math abuse has dangerous consequences:
“I got my hands on some extreme Goldbach, and G was hard to find at any price. Anyhow, I crashed the car into a tree, too zoned out to even know or care. That’s how mom found out I wasn’t the sweet and innocent little girl she thought I was.” – Jenny M. – (rehab patient x 3) [editor's note, 'G' refers to Goldbach's conjecture: a dangerously powerful imported math]
“I run a computer store at the mall. You could always tell the math-heads. They wanted lots of RAM and storage, but they didn’t care about graphics cards or joysticks. I refused to sell any ‘hotshots’ [editor's note, hotshots are slang for pirated Algol scripts on CD], and if they asked, I kicked them out.” – Bennie R. (owner, Rocket Computers)
“He seemed so distant. Our love life was on the rocks and he didn’t seem to notice. I thought it might be another woman, until I found a treatise on topological morphism under the seat of his car. Things are better now, after the divorce, but I still worry about him.” – Marion R. (husband’s whereabouts unknown)
“We went to Amsterdam for her aunt’s wedding. That stuff is legal over there. She must have made some sort of connection, because she spent her days doing math with a guy on the Internet. The only thing I can do is keep hoping. Hoping the therapy takes this time. I can’t trust her. (weeps)” – Name witheld by request.
Doctor (not medical, but as he says, “…perfectly legitimate.” ) Jay Martin treats math addicts with controversial intervention techniques of his own design.
Q: Is math addiction treatable? And if so, how?
A: I use the A&W method. It’s harsh, but the idea is to get them out of the clouds, get them grounded as soon as possible and get them in touch with a larger reality.
Q: A&W?
A: Yes. Cheap beer and prostitutes. Well, it came to be called alcohol and whores- A&W.
Q: And you confine your patients in a motel room for the course of the treatment?
A: I get legal documents. Power of attorney and so on. I haven’t yet been successfully prosecuted in this state.
Q: I see. And what is your success rate?
A: It’s a tough business, success rates aren’t really a good metric. People pay me. That’s a good measurement.
{ 1 comment }
I am hapy that I have wonderful children who wake up with smiles on their faces. That’s always a good way to start the day
{ 0 comments }
