Environmentalism, or Environmental– schism?

The Earth: A living planet

Mother Earth is worried.

The small minority of Her children who care deeply about Her are warring. The noble plans of one group vie with the dreams and visions of another. It is no longer us against them, rather, it has become us against us. Schism arises.

This makes Mother Earth sad.
She is sad because this one precious opportunity to act decisively on Her behalf is passing by. The chance will be missed because of petty sibling rivalry. Can you hear Her weeping?

“From the brink of enlightenment to the brink of extinction.” - Mother Earth, as told to Swami Gupta Ravashani [translated from the original Hindi]

We need to heal the rift, return to our roots, and get back to thinking and acting locally.

Act HERE, act NOW.

The battle of the slogans continues: We can’t drill our way out of this. Verses- Drill here, drill now; screw the grandkids. And, Carbon kills. Fights- Carbon, It’s what’s for dinner.

Madness.

“Do stuff. Tell others.” - Mother Earth, as told to Mary Petals, from her book, Petals Unfolding, Harper Collins, 2002.

“Spirituality is the difference between Earth and mere dirt.”- Mohandas Gandhi [translated from the original British]

Practical Steps You Can Take

Calculate
Your Life Print

Conserve, Reuse, Recycle Your TP!

Toilet Tissue- reuse, recycle,
rejoice! A resource Guide

Diagram courtesy Jennifer Beal from her book, No More Waste. Used with permission.

How to reduce your LP

Just reducing the factors in the LP formula can radically lower your overall Life Print.

• Reduce your food consumption

• Increase your excretions

• Shrink your carbon footprint

• Lower your BMI (weight loss
  or amputation)

• Die sooner

*******************************************

Remember!

SEX
CAN MAKE BABIES!!!

More resources to heal the schism:

• Raising Insects for Food-
  Michael Robinson’s cutting edge work that combines a thorough knowledge of entymology with a genuine desire to live off the Big Corporate Agriculture grid.

• No More Waste-
  Jennifer Beal gives useful methods for unique recycling projects, includes the now famous chapter on how to recover thread from old clothing and a new chapter in the second edition on mud sculpting.

• Life Reeks-
  Mineral supplements and common nutrients found in soil. Return to a time when dirt was an essential ingredient in meal preparation.

• Found Meat-
  Jason Brooks discusses how road-kill and other ‘found meats’ can bridge the morality gap between vegans and carnivores.

• Air Me Up!-
  The latest book from Swami Gupta Ravashani that leads you step by step through hydroponic algae cultivation for recycling your own exhalations in the home. Comes with free dream-catcher that
  incorporates the Swami’s own hair.

• Recycle Yourself-
  This controversial book advocates total body donation and the morality of permissive cannibalism. Excellent historical resource for those interested in the Donner Party and other extreme survival situations. Includes the section: Kuru, Causes and Cures.

• One World, One Race-
  Somewhat dated but still an excellent read, Marsha Montgomery tells her true biographical adventures in her quest to breed with every racial group on the planet. Enjoy her exploits with the Inuit, Mongolian, and Pygmy peoples as well as a dozen others. Hilarity ensues when Marsha attempts to explain her mission and intent without knowing a word of the native tongue. Marsha is missed by all in the environmental community.

Material in this page written and conceived by William Morrison, freelance writer for hire.

Starting out, math always seems like fun and games. “Just try it. If you don’t like it you can quit.” But math abuse has dangerous consequences:

• Math damages the brain’s social communication cortex.
• Math causes failing eyesight, hair loss, and metabolic changes- both corpulence and cachexia are associated.
• Math addiction destroys relationships through loss of libido, isolationism and anti-social behavior.
• Math addiction has been fatal in 100% of lifetime users.

The Faces of Math

The facts:

• By the time they reach the tenth grade, half of US teens have tried math themselves. Fully 75% know someone who does math at least once a week.



• “Sure I tried a little trig in High School, everyone was doing it. It wasn’t until college that I really got hooked on the hard stuff.” - Mary H. (recovering math addict)
• In most US colleges, math is freely available to those who seek it out.
• “I ran a math lab out of my dad’s garage. I wouldn’t have gotten busted except I let math junkies hang around and the neighbors complained.” - Charles B. (8 years, Jackson State Prison)
• Highly-addicted math-using teens are known to seek out ‘math bowls’, where they compete to see who can use the most math. Math-addicted adults are known to video tape these occasions and upload them so other adult users can take pleasure from this deplorable debacle.

“I got my hands on some extreme Goldbach, and G was hard to find at any price. Anyhow, I crashed the car into a tree, too zoned out to even know or care. That’s how mom found out I wasn’t the sweet and innocent little girl she thought I was.” - Jenny M. - (rehab patient x 3) [editor's note, 'G' refers to Goldbach's conjecture: a dangerously powerful imported math]

Tell-Tale Signs Your Kid is on Math

The 7 warning signs of math addiction in young people

• Shakes uncontrollably in the presence of the opposite sex.
• Sequesters him/herself for long periods, alone, ’studying’.
• Has multiple library cards and deletes browsing history on home computer.
• Keeps a stash (often under a mattress) of homework.
• Seems distracted and avoids social functions.
• Doesn’t seem to enjoy outdoor activities.
• Refuses to watch sports on TV.

“I run a computer store at the mall. You could always tell the math-heads. They wanted lots of RAM and storage, but they didn’t care about graphics cards or joysticks. I refused to sell any ‘hotshots’ [editor's note, hotshots are slang for pirated Algol scripts on CD], and if they asked, I kicked them out.” - Bennie R. (owner, Rocket Computers)

Is Your Spouse on Math?

“He seemed so distant. Our love life was on the rocks and he didn’t seem to notice. I thought it might be another woman, until I found a treatise on topological morphism under the seat of his car. Things are better now, after the divorce, but I still worry about him.” - Marion R. (husband’s whereabouts unknown)

“We went to Amsterdam for her aunt’s wedding. That stuff is legal over there. She must have made some sort of connection, because she spent her days doing math with a guy on the Internet. The only thing I can do is keep hoping. Hoping the therapy takes this time. I can’t trust her. (weeps)” - Name witheld by request.

Treatment Options

Q & A with a Holistic Math Therapist

Doctor (not medical, but as he says, “…perfectly legitimate.” ) Jay Martin treats math addicts with controversial intervention techniques of his own design.

Q: Is math addiction treatable? And if so, how?

A: I use the A&W method. It’s harsh, but the idea is to get them out of the clouds, get them grounded as soon as possible and get them in touch with a larger reality.

Q: A&W?

A: Yes. Cheap beer and prostitutes. Well, it came to be called alcohol and whores- A&W.

Q: And you confine your patients in a motel room for the course of the treatment?

A: I get legal documents. Power of attorney and so on. I haven’t yet been successfully prosecuted in this state.

Q: I see. And what is your success rate?

A: It’s a tough business, success rates aren’t really a good metric. People pay me. That’s a good measurement.

This Public Service Announcement brought to you and written by Bill Morrison - freelance writing professional and loving parent of math-addicted daughter, Pookie J, (pictured above)

If you have a math house in your neighborhood, report it below, and be sure to provide maximum details for the authorities. Or, share your math tragedies with our math addiction support group:

Mothers Against Math-Addicted Students, Brainiacs, or Youth (MAMASBOY)

Oops! You’re caught shoplifting from the grocery store.  The following items are in your possession when you are arrested:

1. a pregnancy test,
2. a bottle of cheap wine,
3. a rib eye steak, and
4. a vegetarian pizza.

There’s no arguing or pleading your way out of this with the police, but you get a feeling they appreciate your style, and might let you go if they like you enough.  You’ve always wanted to be a stand-up comic.  This could be your big chance!

They hand the right opening to you by asking why you stole the conflicting items in your possession.  Make it good, or your next portrait will have numbers in it!

Give us your best monologue in the comments box below.

You wake up in your undergarments on a splintery wooden floor. A leprechaun, a werewolf, a pony, and a duck are all staring down at you. “This is your last chance,” snarls the werewolf. “Tell me what it looks like and where it is or you’re hamburger! And I’m not answering any more of your stupid questions!”

You have no idea what he’s talking about, but the blood and drool coming off of his giant, gore-covered fangs and the eager, unhappy looks on his companion’s faces convince you he means business, so you better come up with something good, and quick. What do you say?

…Have some fun with this goofism!  Please use the comment form below.

The National Enquirer uncovers a plot hatched by cockroaches to destroy the human race. Details are sketchy, but it seems the cockroaches secretly engineered the entire digital revolution as part of their master plan. You are an ace reporter who has been granted a brief interview with the queen of the cockroaches. Where do the two of you meet to talk? What five questions do you ask her?

Big Oil, the meat industry, chemical fertilizer manufacturers and queasy people everywhere are shaking in their boots due to recent scientific and agricultural innovations brought about by worm farming.

The buzz is: worms may well save the planet.

Consider: worms are one of the easiest animals in the world to farm, and all you have to do to harvest 100% organic meat is to raise earthworms in organic soil.

Home worm farms are a breeze to set up; they compost your fruit and vegetable waste and your dog and cat’s poop; and their droppings diluted in a water solution to the color of a weak tea make the best fertilizer you’ll ever use in your garden.

And your fruit and vegetable crops won’t be the only bounty you can eat.

Raw worms may not appear at first blush to be the most desirable food, but meat scientists are apparently fascinated by the possibilities of processed worm meat.

People will never know what they’re eating was ever worms by the time the processors get through with it.

It will taste just like beef, chicken, fish, pork or turkey; and processed worms can be poured, mixed and molded to look exactly like those meats, too!

Processed worm meat, which will be branded as “Weat” by a very large agricultural conglomerate that you know very, very well, is nearly 100% fat and cholesterol free, low in calories, high in protein and high in fiber.

Experiments are still in early stages, but the Weat Diet is expected to be the most successful weight-loss and nutrition regimen in the history of dieting.

Worm counters offering battered and fried Weat, Wilk, Wice Cream, Wenderloin and Wurgers will be introduced in every Starbucks and McDonald’s in America.

Weat will be the end of world hunger.  The State of Utah alone would be able to produce enough Weat to provide Weat for every person in the world, three meals a day, indefinitely!

And for those who are vegetarians, they can just use their portion of worms in their gardens - we’ll all have healthier, more productive gardens than we ever imagined.

The global-warming-causing methane and ecosystem-leveling solid toxic waste that’s produced by beef, pork and poultry farming will be a thing of the past.

Because worm farms can be packed with worms wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling, the farms will be easily designed and manufactured to capture, collect and ship the fertilizer and methane produced by worms for use in  all facets of life, business and industry.

Methane is an ideal fuel for creating hydrogen, and the carbon by-product will be easily converted into carbon nanofibers, which are currently revolutionizing every manufacturing process in the world.

And the biggie: worm farms can and will flourish anywhere, and the hydrogen that’s produced will be plentiful enough to be piped and tanked short distances to gas stations all over the nation.

As Al Gore has said, “thanks to worms, the hydrogen economy is now finally becoming a reality, and global greenhouse emissions are expected to drop by 50% in a previously unfathomable space of 10 years or less - all due to the humble worm.”

Are you Weady for the Wevolution?

OK - here’s your task: check out the goofism contest entry below, and decide if answering the question has the potential to make you laugh.

Please explain how cockroaches are to blame for the coming of the digital revolution, and furthermore, why the invention of the computer, which saves so much time, has only led to more time in the office, and less time at home with the cuddly cockroaches.

Smiling? Just click on the Comment link below to answer this Goofism.  Let the fun begin!