You are an Environmental Protection Agency statistician who is asked by the U.S. Congress to justify your obscure research program. Unfortunately, the only significant discovery you’ve made is a positive cause-and-effeect correlation that proves a recent wave of scandals involving multiple members of Congress directly caused the loss of another billion tons of the polar ice cap, and the extinction of a rare and very cute genus of penguins. The grants for your salary are up for review by the very people who are involved in these scandals, and they’re a bit touchy about the subject of scandals. What do you tell them in this report that is supposed to justify your research?

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