Predistinarianism – now that’s a mouthful of ism. You have to chew a long time on predestinarianism before you swallow, or you just might get an ism lodged in your wind-pipe.

So what is it? This predestinarianism?

It’s about Oedipus not having a chance to be anything other than a pitiful abomination. It’s about Kings and Queens and Popes and Pharaohs and Martyrs — oh, YES! The Martyrs! — and all other manner of Great and Small people who’ve had (or believe they’ve had) the hand of God (or gods) laid upon their brow, and thus set upon an inescapable path.

I asked my friend Lee the Lexicographer why there isn’t a definition of predestinarianism in the dictionary.

“I’m not about to waste my time defining that word. Predestinarian is a perfectly fine word, and I’m not going to create a new definition for it just because someone wants to add an ism to the end of it and PRESTO! it suddenly becomes a noun!”

Poor fellow. You’d think he could have been predestined to give me a better explanation than that!

But back to the point: if predestinarianism is the state of being predestined, or at least believing that you’re predestined, I imagine that this is one ism that would be both very confining - to the point of being terrifying - and also very liberating.

I mean, if you’re predestined to accomplish XYZ, to have sex with her and her or her and him, to marry Pat and work for Sam and die in a pool of your own vomit after an over-zealous surprise party for your 60th birthday, why should you give a crap about anything at all that comes your way?

It’s all a part of God’s or Allah’s or Yahweh’s or Buddha’s grand plan. So why muck it up by struggling against it? Just go with the flow.

So here’s the gazillion dollar question: If I’m predestined to be where I am right now, writing these words on a blog that only a few bookish people are reading, what does that mean?Does it mean that the gods are just really boring entities, amused by something as meaningless as creating an ethereal connection of people through the minutia of isms?

Or does it just mean that I don’t want to clean the toilet?